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Sunday, October 3, 2010

The weight started to pile on...

Year: 2001: After we were married, the weight just started to pile on without me really realizing it. We were living the good life, just got married, had plenty of spendable cash, ate, drank, and just never paid attention to the weight. My clothes still fit, so I didn’t really notice it, and I had no scale to weight myself, as I threw it out years ago, and who wanted to anyways, right.  
We were trying to have a baby. No success.  I was 37 at the time, so our chances were slim anyways. We went in for infertility tests, the doctors could never tell us why we couldn’t conceive? But, we kept at it until I had no more in me to keep going. I was a mad woman on hormones waiting to blow up.  I was told earlier in life that I was too fat to get pregnant. Again the ignorance of people that including doctors. Always wanting to blame weight instead of just saying, “they" just don’t know” It could have been my weight, but how many overweight women in the world have babies.  Can’t the doctors just say I don’t have any eggs that will come to full term to be fertilized by sperm? Stupid people. So I said Okay, I will lose the weight and let’s get pregnant. I am thin, but still no baby.
All these nasty things started to happen right after we got married: 9/11, BIG earthquakes in our city, Michael getting laid off didn't help the situation at all.  I was in a constant state of shock, fear of flying after 9/11, fear of almost losing Michael and his dad, so I ate. I ate till I thought I was going to have a heart attack. My job was getting more stressful. I switched jobs a couple of times to bring in more money to keep us going while Michael constantly looked for work.  I was heading straight into an early grave. I came home one night stressed out, crying, I thought I was having a heart attack. I cried to Michael to call 911. I couldn’t catch my breath. I was hyperventilating. All I could think about was I was going to die. 1 yr or so after my wedding, after waiting so long to find my Mr. Right that I was going to die. I knew I didn’t have many options left at this point, but to lose weight and find a different department to work in.

It was then that the motivation came to me to either lose weight or die. No middle man, no second guessing. No ifs ands or buts, no more delays, no more excuses.  Lose weight or die. PERIOD. It has to be this way with me, or it just doesn’t work. I have to get this extreme for it to work for me.  I had to get the fat away from my heart.  It's as simple as that.  Get busy living or get busy dying. Went to my Doctor, she told me I was not having a heart attack, but anxiety attack, which feels like a heart attack. She put me on anxiety meds and the real story of weight loss begins.


  1. Wow! What a great quote. "Get busy living or get busy dying." I'm loving the power of your words! -Amy

  2. Wow, that is an amazing story. Love the blog. Susan :)

  3. Thanks Amy & Susan for taking the time to read my story. It means a lot to me.


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